Friday, September 12, 2014

Thoughts as we wait

We received no adoption news this week, other than speculation from our coordinator that the Taiwan agency will not grant our request for a visit. So we sit and wait and pray.

Last week I purposed to pray unceasingly. I wanted to be the woman who wore out the judge. And for two days, I did just that. But as time passed with no news, my prayers slowed. I still prayed at mealtimes. I still prayed while laying in bed waiting to fall asleep. But I would forget during the day. All of a sudden I would realize that I hadn't prayed for two hours. I'm not in the habit of praying frequently and it showed.

The past few days, I have been much more intentional with my prayers, even if they are not as frequent as I would like. I've been asking God to forgive me for my wavering faith. It's hard to stay positive that God will bring my daughter home when the signs point toward her saying No. I want to believe that she will come home. I am committed to pursuing her adoption until someone tells me that they have closed our file. But my emotions do not always match my commitment. I pray that God understands just how human and frail I am and that He will move my daughter's heart regardless of my lack of faith.

Prayer. It's all that I can do. I pray that my daughter comes home. I pray that she says Yes to adoption. I pray that we are able to build faith until God shows us His plan.

7 comments:

Jason and Michelle said...

I wish the agency would set up some more calls for Zhi Zhi to feel more comfortable with her decision. It doesn't seem fair to any of you to only get one skype call.

Carrie said...

It is good to read an update on your thoughts and emotions. Thank you for sharing so very honestly with us. I so admire you and Jeff as you endure this lengthy waiting process.

You might not appreciate this music much (I have no idea) but the words ministered to me greatly as I was, once upon a time, waiting when the end didn't look very promising:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gjXBMC8-oM

I listened to this song until I almost killed it. :) But it touched all the hurt parts and encouraged me too. In case it does the same for you - here it is.

docjim505 said...

It must be driving you nuts. Praying for you.

Cassandra said...

Jim - We have a constant low level of stress around our house. It's not always front and center, but it does lurk in the background of our day to day life. "Maybe today we'll hear news! Nope, not today. Maybe tomorrow?" All in God's timing! Trying to trust Him to see it through. :) :)

Ann HisGraceToMe said...

Keeping your heart's desire in prayer.

Maurita said...

God always answers prayers. Sometimes with a no, sometimes with wait, and sometimes with yes. But He always answers. The Circle Maker is a great read on prayer and the importance of making our requests known.

Cassandra said...

Thank you Ann and Maurita! I've not heard of The Circle Maker but will definitely look it up! Thank you!