Monday, June 29, 2009

Babies everywhere!

I feel so tortured. Not really, but still... I want a baby. With all my longing and soul I desire to get pregnant and start growing our family.

Before hubby and I married, we discussed children. We decided that we were going to wait at least two years before trying to conceive our first. We wanted time to grow as a couple, get used to marriage, and try to get our finances in order. Near our second anniversary, we started talking again and decided to wait at least another year. Well, our fourth anniversary is in October and we're still not ready to start trying for a baby.

It's not that we don't want children. Hubby knows I do, the more the merrier. Hubby also wants children but wants to be closer to having our debt paid off. $73,000 is a hefty debt chunk to try to pay off on one income while raising children. We started off with almost $95,000 in debt so we're making good progress. According to my calculations, it will still take several (as in five or so) years to pay it all off.

I don't want to wait that long but I'm trying to honor my husband's wishes to wait awhile longer. In the meantime, I fight sadness every month when I have that reminder that we are still waiting. I'm going to be 27 in October and hubby will be 31. I know we're not too old for kids, but how long until we're ready?

As I mentioned at the beginning of my post, I feel tortured. The last couple days have been hard as I've come across babies on the blogs I read, the forums, and even the latest book I've been reading. I've been dreaming every night for the past few nights about our first child. Oddly, in my dreams, it's always a girl.

Oh, well. I will continue to pray that we will know when it's God's will for us to have a baby and I will also continue squeezing money out of our budget to pay off our debt. If only I had realized 8 years ago what I was sacrificing when I took out the car loan, student loans, and applied for my first credit card.


DanniellaAnn said...

Yeah... Well hopefully when you guys do start trying, there won't be any trouble. I would hate for you to have waited all this time and have to endure more torture of things not going right. :)

Anonymous said...

Hello, I know you do not know me but I came across you blog through a friend and so on, but I have enjoyed reading your blog from time to time. All that to say that I also can feel your pain when it comes to babies! I am in the same place right now too. Married a little over 2 years and also have a little debt that my hubby want gone and some money put aside before we start to have babies.
Thank you for writing this, it encouraged me to know others are in the same place as I am when it seems like EVERY body has a baby or one on the way.
Blessings! Julie

Ruth MacC said...

I am very sorry to hear of your pain... It can run very deep. Niall and prayed about having a child when we got married and got a no. Every now and again the longing was so intense that I went back to GOd about it but He still gives me the same answer. Just in these past few months, after almost 7 years of marraige have I started feeling peace about it. God knows best.

However, I didn't think having a baby was that expencive, especially if you shop in second hand shops and get prams and cots etc passed on to you. Is it expencive having a baby in a hospital over in the US?

Cassandra said...

Dannie, I'm praying that everything will turn out alright! I'm also praying that if we're supposed to have a baby earlier than hubby has planned that God will do something to nudge him in the right direction.

Julie, good luck with your savings. :) It's hard to wait, isn't it?

Ruth, I'm sorry to hear that God said no but I'm glad that you want to listen to His plan for you guys. Having a baby is expensive here if you don't have health insurance. I don't think that raising a baby (at least for the first year or so) is all that expensive, but the hospital bills can get pretty high.