Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mother's Day 2015

Ah, Mother's Day...

Last year my mom sent me a beautiful card with a note about how I was going to soon be a mother. I loved that card and was so grateful that my mom thought of me, even though our adoption was still in process. We thought for sure that we would be celebrating Mother's Day 2015 as a family of three.

But then in October, our dreams for Zih-Ting came crashing down when she refused to join our family.

We immediately started Cin-Ru's adoption, as we already knew that we wanted to adopt her. For months, I mourned the loss of Zih-Ting even while I slowly started to open my heart to Cin-Ru. Older adoption is scary and not just because of the trauma the child has already faced. Older children have to agree to the adoption. After being denied once, it was really hard for me to risk my heart again.

So I debated... should I celebrate Mother's Day this year or skip it? All indicators point toward Cin-Ru telling the judge that she wants to be adopted by our family. But there is always a chance that she'll get scared when the time comes to say yes or no.

My husband made the decision for me, telling me that he wanted to take me out for a nice meal to affirm the hard work I've done thus far to prepare for motherhood. I am married to such a sweet, sweet man. We went to the Teapot Vegetarian House, a favorite restaurant of ours. It's nice that we can eat anything off the menu as it's all vegan. I ordered spicy and sweet eggplant, which I absolutely loved.

Then for dessert, we split a slice of vegan cheesecake. It was fantastic!

I am still hoping that next Mother's Day, we will finally be a family of three. I don't know if Cin-Ru will be able to embrace Mother's Day or if it will be yet another reminder of the biological family she lost. Either way, if Mother's Day is a traumaversary for her or a celebration of a new mother, I'll still be grateful for the chance to love this beautiful 13 year old girl that I have started to think of as my daughter.


Chantel said...

She is beautiful. And I pray and pray that when the times comes, she can say YES. To adoption and to loving you as her mama. <3

docjim505 said...

Fingers crossed!

Isn't it a wonderful (and perhaps frightening?) thing to be able to love a child that you've never actually met?

Cassandra said...

Jim, it is wonderful and frightening! What a dichotomy.